NARRATIONS OF ELDER ST. PAISIOS
THE ATHONITE ABOUT
THE HOLY ESPHIGMENOU MONASTERY

• I remember once, in the monastery they had told me to stay in absolute stillness, because I was hemorrhaging. At some moment I saw from my window an old man, the door keeper, striving to cut with his axe a log to put it in the fireplace. This old man had a problem with his intestines and the poor man had continuous hemorrhage. He was completely exhausted. To think that he was always sleeping with his shoes on, because he didn?t have the courage to undo his shoe laces. I suddenly get up, grab his axe, strike it once or twice on the log and split it and after that blood came out of my mouth. You see? I didn?t think of myself not even once. I didn?t think of my situation. Spiritual nobility! Nothing else moves God as much as nobility. He is the recipient of the holy accomplishment.
   
• At the monastery when I was a novice there was also another novice who had the same age as me, who had reached in a very high spiritual situation, his face was shining. He was a role model in everything; he was an example, a real fighter. He had a lot of devoutness, even the more elderly than him would get up, out of respect, when he passed by them. Mostly I benefited from this novice rather than the books I had read until then, because he was a living example. At one time, I had a problem with my heart. It happened then that this brother passed my cell and I asked him to make a wish for me. Before he withdrew the pain in my heart had gone away. Another time a man who was possessed by demons had come to the monastery and asked from the fathers to make him well. Then the elderly father told the novice “go and make a wish so that the demons can go away from this poor man”. “With your blessings”, he said, “May God take away the demons”. As soon as he withdrew, the demons had disappeared. Such sincerity he had in God! He had reached in great spiritual situation! I pleaded with God that this brother reach the point of the saint who had his name and for myself to reach at his point. You should do the same, and you will clearly see the power of God.
   
• At the monastery where I lived, whoever did the most labor would hide. If one brother would collect two sacks of olives he would say that he had collected one basket and that the other brother had collected more sacks. This is real love.
   
• When I was a servant at the church an event happened to we. One time when the priest was offering the holy host, the moment he said: «As the lamb was leaded to be slaughtered», I heard the wriggling of the lamb on the holy Tray. When again he said: «The lamb of God is being sacrificed», I hear bleating from the place called holy Prothesis Astonishing! That?s what I tell the priests, not to get ready beforehand their holy host and after that do what is supposed to become virtually. In other words they shouldn?t cut the bread beforehand and just at that moment place the Lamb on the holy Tray and say: «The lamb of God is sacrificed» and «the Lamb was leaded to be slaughtered», while they have already taken out the Lamb. When they say these words, then they should take the holy Spear and cut the consecrated bread. When for example they say ??God?s Lamb is being sacrificed??, then they should ??sacrifice?? Him.
   
• When I was at the monastery I met a deacon who grew old and died as a deacon. When he was still young monk, the monastery was in need of a deacon and they ordained him. Later on, younger ones came. The younger ones became deacons and then priests, but he continuously gave his turn to the others and remained a deacon. When they would tell him to become a priest, he would say: «The Monastery is not in need now. Thank God, there are younger brothers». So they put him in an office. When highly educated brothers came to the Monastery he asked to leave his post in the office. When the Monastery was going through some difficulty this godly deacon pleaded a virtuous priest to take over and become an abbot. The priest told him: «That you are avoiding all the responsibilities and burdening them on me? Why don?t you become a superior so that I can become an abbot»? So the priest becomes an abbot and the deacon superior. When things were under control and the Monastery was going well, he resigned again from being superior. This deacon helped me a lot; he had the grace of God. It was him they would call on in difficult situations in the Holy Community of Athos to say his enlighten advice.

• I remember there was an amicable elderly monk in the Esphigmenou Monastery who was so sincere that he thought the Ascension of Christ was a saint. He would count his rosary and say: «Saint of God, take pray for us»! Once, a brother in the Elderly monk?s home was ill and he didn?t have anything to give him to eat. In two steps he goes downstairs, opens the window which looked at the sea, hangs out his hands to the sea and says: «Saint Ascension, give me a fish for my brother». And straight away – Oh! A miracle! Such a large fish jumps from the sea into his hands. The others, who saw him, were astonished. He was looking at them with a calm smile in his face. It was like saying: «What?s so strange that you see? » We, the others said, have knowledge, we know when a Saint is celebrating, how another Saint was tormented, when the Ascension happened and where it happened and how, and still we can?t have such a little fish! These are the strange things of spiritual life, which the logic of the intellectuals, who have within their mind themselves and not God, can?t conceive because they have inside them the barren social knowledge along with the secular spiritual illness and the Holy Spirit is missing.
   
• At the Convents years ago it was so beautiful! Peaceful. They had a clock which would strike every 15 minutes, so each one could remember to say a blessing. And if someone would forget it, he would hear the clock which stoke every 15 minutes and he would again begin the prayer. The clock helped a lot. The Fathers would say the blessing and it was quite, great peace in the Monastery. At the Convent where I was at Athos we were 60 Fathers and it was like being only one peaceful (hesychastic) monk. They all had the hart-pray of Jesus name. In the church a few would chant and the others would mentally pray. At their duties (diakonimata) the same. There was peace everywhere. They didn?t? speak loudly nor shout. They were preceding their duties quietly. Everyone would move about silently like the sheep. There was always a silent motion in the Monastery. It wasn?t like it is now where they have at the Convents, time for work, time for silence …. Last post! Everyone would move according to his diakonima.
   
• Long time ago the ones in charge at the refectory (Trapeza) and the guests room (Archontariki) would get so tired. They had to wash the plates, rub the copper utensils… Today they have comforts, they have different contemporary means, and most of them make noise. I remember us at the commune we would carry water in the vessels from the spring with the manganese to carry up slowly – slowly to the third floor. Now they bring the water with a machine and you hear continuously the noise doukou – doukou. The walls shake, the windows creak! At least they could install a silencer.
   
• When I was a novice monk, at one stage the devil would bring to me, even inside the church, blasphemy thoughts and I was very worried. Whatever I heard the others saying when I was a soldier, swearing words etc., the devil would bring into my mind about the Saints. My spiritual father told me: «These are the devils? thoughts. Since you get worried about these ugly thoughts that pass through your mind about the holy things, this is a sign that these thoughts are not yours but are coming from outside». I myself was very upset. I would leave, going to the chapel of St. John the Baptist to pray, and his icon would smell of fragrance when I?d curtsy. When such thoughts would again come to my mind i would again go out to the chapel and a beautiful fragrance would come out from the icon. One day the time of the Holy Mass, during the Trisagion, I was silently chanting «God is Saint » composed by the protopsalt Nileus. Then I saw coming in through the door of Liti, a monster with a terrible calf?s head. It was shooting flames from its mouth and eyes! It turns around and gives me two dirty looks because I was chanting ??God is Saint». I looked around me to see if anyone else had seen the monster but no one else had seen it. After that I told my spiritual father that: «This and this happened» «There, you saw him»? He said, «Really, it?s him. Are you calm now? »
   
• "When I was in the Esphigmenou Monastery, all brothers looked at how they would make some sacrifice. In the work, in the food, in all, there was the spirit of sacrifice: They first thought about the other, and for this they lived like in Paradise. There was somebody for example in the Refectory (Trapeza)? He took care to eat not so much, so the food would be quite enough for the other monk. Even if he was feeble he did not matter, he did not examine what was the other person. He made sacrifice. He would not criticise the other or think about him: "It will be harm for him, if he eat more ". From the moment that the Monk pays attention about not to be treated unfairly by the others, not to get tired a lot, it is like as if he does not believe that God exists, that Hell exists, that return exists ".

• When I was at the monastery (coenobium), I remember once during the fast period before Easter, an amicable old monk, old Dorotheos was frying pumpkins. A brother saw him the time he was placing them in the frying pan, and comes straight to me telling me, “Come to see, old Dorotheos is frying fish, red mullets, that big!”, “how can that be possible?”, I told him, “Old Dorotheos…, during fast…, to fry fish..”, “Oh, yes father, I saw him with my own eyes, such big red mullets”. Old Dorotheos had come to stay in Agion Oros (Mount Athos) when he was 15 and he was behaving as if he was a mother, especially to those young unhealthy monks. In case he met such a monk he said, “Come here, I have a secret to tell you”, and he gave him some sesame past (tahini), some smashed walnuts or something alike. He took care of the old monks as well. I the end I went to see old Dorotheos, and I saw what! He was frying pumpkins for the hospital.

Being a coenobium monk at Esfigmenou monastery

Since his first visit to Agion Oros both experience and knowledge had set on him. He decided then, to join a coenobium for some time so as to grow spiritual wings. At first he thought to try Kastamonitou monastery because he had heard that it was a peaceful and ascetic place. The day of his travel the sea was really rough from the north side of Athos peninsula, – he accepted that as God?s will – and he finally arrived at the Esphigmenou Monastry. (Those days the monastery was not zelotic). He was accepted by abbot Kallinikos; he became novice and started trying.

The monastery was well organized and had fighting fathers. Apart from the endless services there were also the tough duties (diakonimata) and the praying time in the cell. The elder was saying, « To go through a fast period in this place it?s a real Golgothas. You were given only water boiled food, just one plate for 24 hours. It was the strictest coenobium. During the first week of the fast, all fathers had to stay in the church all day. »

Later he said, «When I was at the coenobium I was really got afraid of a father. He didn?t speak at all. He was feeling the need of his conversation with Christ. He didn?t?t feel like speaking to us. It was enough to see him. He helped me a lot. More than the books had (synaxaria). For some reason he hadn?t received the Holy Communion for three years while for this particular sin, 20 days would be enough. While the monks don?t speak when they face such situations, even the seculars can see their change. This is the sermon of the monks.

In the monastery among other fathers there was one, devoted fighter, whom he admired a lot. Arsenios was sincerely praying to God to make that monk like the saint whose name was bearing, and for himself to reach the spiritual level of that virtuous monk. He considered himself the least capable of all.

Testing and duties

The new novice would go on and accept the cores of monastic life with joy. At the beginning they would place him as assistant in the refectory room (trapeze) or in the bakery. Kneading was really tiring. The kneaded in a big trough quite enough quantity of flour by hand. His hand had to reach the bottom of the trough so as to cut the stiff paste.

Later they put him in the carpenter?s shop because he knew the trade. The whole day long, without food, he was planing chestnut wood using the big hand-plane. He was really skillful in everything, capable and quick. Even the packsaddles of the animals were looking as if they were pieces of furniture.

Arsenios, conscientiously enough, asked for blessing to help in the guests rooms (archontariki) when they had a lot of visitors.

He was also responsible to keep clean and light the candles to two small chapels outside the monastery. He also took care of having there a service from time to time.

Anovice?sstruggles

Looking up to the holy fathers he was trying to imitate them. He set as a target of his monastic life modesty and obedience and he gave his full attention to struggle beyond his endurance.

During the days he fatigued himself physically and during the night he remained sleepless praying and gloryfying God. He felt great fatigue but he didn?t give up. He added continuously new targets, always under the blessing and supervision of the abbot. He did everything in good spirits.

He used to say, ??we were working really hard on the lathe all day. In the evenings I used to go to the big sitting hall (archontariki) and gave a hand until 10 or 11 o?clock. I didn?t have any time left for spiritual life.That?s why when I went back to my cell, I didn?t sleep but I would just put my legs high for a quarter of an hour to rest and let the blood come back to my body. Then, I used to stand in a basin full of water so as not to feel asleep and I would account my rosary. I used to sleep half an hour or so and then I went to the holy service to read a part (mesoniktiko) of it. And becouse I had in my mind the possibility not to carry out the duties of the so called megaloschimo later, I enquired the abbod?s blessing who in turn gave me the permission to precede these duties from the time I was a novice. I didn?t do that out of selfishness but for fear I might not be able to meet the monastery?s requirements. I didn?t do it in pride. ??If I?m not able, I was saying, at least I shouldn?t make a fool of myself??

During the service he wouldn? sit at all. He was standing at the church seat (stasidi). Sometimes he was about to fall asleep but he sprang up.

In winters he avoided lighting a fire. The sell was so dump that the mould had covered like white cotton the walls. When the cold was unbearable, he would wrap his feed in an animal skin, using the ones he used to make saddles. He worked out in the cold wearing only the monk?s dress (zostiko) and he was putting uner it pieces of paper to protect a bit himself from the cold.

Before fasting for Easter, it was a custom in the monastery all fathers to be given a tin of milk. Arsenios didn?t use it but he gave it to old Nikitas who suffered from early tuberculosis.

During the fast period, he didn?t chew the beens enough so that they would slower be digested and to feel this way satiated for longer. He was sleeping on the stone flore to exercise himself and sometimes on bricks which were supposed to be more ??human friendly??

The fathers started eventually to realise how ascetic and devoted he was and they wanted him to chant in the chapels.

« I was tortured by the love of my relatives»

Not only did he have the core of his duties (diaconimata) but also the devil that was there, bothered him throught various thoughts. He had found his weak point. His love for his relatives. He confessed lated, « at the beginning, the devil tortured me with the rememrance of my family. Sometimes it was my mother, sometimes other relatives. Once I dreamed of them sick, another time dead. The supervisor saw me distressed and was asking me what the matter was. I went to the abbot to confess and it was only then that I was in peace. It is really painful for the monk at the beginning to leave his family and enter the great family of Adam, that of God. »

Devil?s appearances

For the devil, mind fights weren?t enough since he couldn?t through them hinder his decision to fight. He appeared in shape too. He watches him eye to eye and they were having discussions. The temptetion tried in any possible way to frighten him and prevent him from fighting. It seems that he had relised, due to his experience, what that novice would become.

The novice Arsenios was neither upset nor frightened by the presence of the devil. He said, ??keep coming, because it?s good for me. You help me remember God, when I forget him, and pray??

Later the elder made a comment, ??how could the temptation stay by him. He dissapeared immediately. He isn?t that stupit to create victory wreaths for the monk.

-                Holy elder, when you say temptation, do you mean bad thoughts? A monk asked naively.

-                Oh my God! Temptation is the devil himself, do you understand? What thoughts are you talking about?

Novice Arsenios using his intelligence ?? beat devil?s cunning by human invetivness?? 

Became monk

On the 27^th of March 1954, after the commonly held testing, he was ordained as a monk. He received a cowl blessing and he was named Averkios. The abbot suggested he should receive the Great Clergy but he refused. He said, ?? although I could join the Great Clergy, given that I had finished my military service the cowl blessing is enough for me.??

He considered himself incapable, but on the other hand he didn?t want to get involved with the prospects the Great Clergy involves, due to his love for a peaceful life he so longed for.

He watches the Lamp throbbing

«I was helping in the church too» the elder narrated, «as a servant at the church during the nightlong night services (agripnies). Once, I was in the altar watching the priest during oblation. Something happened then. As the priest said ??the God?s Lamb is being sacrificed?? I saw the Lamb on the holy Tray (diskarion) throbbing like a lamb being slaughtered. I wouldn?t dare to go closer next time! As a result, the Sacrament starts before hand and not afterwards as some of them say»

Ascetic worker

Ever since that period he started taking notes about anything he read. He copied in a notebook whatever helped him in his struggle and he tried to practise it in his everyday life. His inner incospicuous struggle was: a little practical reading in his ascetic books, very much attention, incessant prayer and constant effort to purge himself from suffering and obtain the Holly Grace.

But also in his work not only in his duty (diakonima) but also during collective work (panginia), he tried not to interrupt his prayer. He worked fast and quietly. Old – Gerasimos of the Koutloumousi monastery, who used to share the same coenobium with him says, «When we did collective work, all of us, except for him, used to talk and laugh. He used to work away from the others and he avoided the chattering and the criticism. He was a very careful monk. »

Once, the monastery sent a few monks, one of which was father Avercius, outside the boundaries of Mount Athos to plant poplar trees in a field. Not too far away there was a street where several laymen were passing by. Father Avercius had coerced his mind and eyes into not seeing anyone and he really managed to perform an achievement similar to the one achieved by abbot Isidore of Skitis, who went to Alexandreia and saw noone else but the Patriarch. His eyes were open to see only good examples of advancedfathers and benefit from it.

Blind obedience

The elder narrated: « There was once a brother in the Monastery who was a carpenter. The fathers accepted him from need, because although in the beginning there were seven carpenters in the Monastery, in the end there were none, not even for the minor jobs. Because they needed him, they had given him many initiatives. He took that for granted; he became a superior and didn?t take anybody onto consideration. Whoever went with him to learn the trade could not stay for more than a week. I, on the other hand with God?s will, stayed with him for two and a half years. What I went through is indescribable. But I also profited from it! He swore and yelled continuously. His sight was not very good, and when he told me to do something, of which I saw that was wrong and we would have to repair it afterwards, if I would dare to tell him something about it, he yelled: «You still have not learned it: You are to say only two words «bless» and «let it be blessed». I was keeping myself silenced. It was being made crooked. We were making windows for the church with patches. If the fathers asked why, I would keep myself silenced. He was even in the synaxi (superiors meeting) and if he wanted he could confess the truth. Otherwise I would put a couple of drahmas aside (meaning saving a spiritual salary) I used to cough out blood and he yelled: «What are you doing there? Get back to work. That?s the way you are going to die». When my heath got worse, the doctor told me to definitely stay at the hospital of the Monastery for two months. He came to the hospital yelling: «Come down quickly there is nothing wrong with you». I obeyed and set off for the mountain, to cut down chestnut trees and to shape them into square logs. I took an isolated path. I did not take the road, in order for the fathers not to see me so I would not expose Monk –I. On the way my arteries opened and I started haemorrhaging, that?s why I was forced to turn back. Then he came to the hospital and asked me strictly: «Why did you not come? » I did not think about the brother. I thought that God allows things to happen from love, so that I could pay back for a sin or two. When I was in the outside world, God had given me a virtue to become a good carpenter. People would come to me, and without wanting it, I was the reason for others not to have work. Everyone ran to me and family men were left without work. In order to avoid this situation, I was telling them ??it would take me long to finish the job for I have too many orders to carry out, etc ??, but everyone said «We will wait». So now I am paying for my sins. In the end, because I profited so much from this brother, the good lord got hold of him. He wasn?t able to see at all, he was humiliated in front of all and was saved. He made me spit blood but he made a man out of me».

The holy fathers judged obedience as a confession. But for father Averkio obedience was blind, torturous and not only to the Abbot, but to an older Monk as well. He accepted everything with joy and patience. When the superiors saw the unfinished windows and made comments, he did not make excuses to cover himself, saying that he had followed what Monk-I told him to do, but silenced and accepted these unfair accusations as if it were his fault. Later, the good Lord revealed the truth and they realized what had happened and praised the novice?s virtue.

In the hospital the good nurse in order to build up his strength, would give him honey and walnuts to eat. Father Averkios was sad there because from his hospital bed could not help his «fathers and brothers». The nurse told him: «If you count your rosary that is worth more. God will give strength to the fathers and will send his blessings to the monastery. And so he got exhausted with dignity praying for his brothers.

When he partially recovered the Abbot gave him his blessing to have a pot in his cell to drink something warm in order to recover. Looking for a spirit lamp amongst the fathers he was touched very much that none of them had one. With great difficulty he managed to have one and he made one or two warm drinks in his cell, he through the coffee pot, which was a tin can, out the window into the sea and entrusted his health, his body and soul to God.

The visit of the Holy Grace

The roughness of ascetic life was mellowed by something I had never experienced before, the visit of the holly grace. «When my strength had given out» he said, «an incident happened. One night, while I was praying standing, I felt something coming down from above pouring all over me. I felt exultation and my eyes became two fountains from which tears were flowing. I could see and feel the grace. I had experienced excitement and emotions like that in the past, but nothing like that had ever happened to me before. This incident was so spiritually strong/ powerful, that supported me and lasted for approximately ten years until later, in Mount Sinai, I experienced greater situations in a different way.

Deparure for peace

When father Avercius came to the Monastery, he asked the Abbot to stay for a period of time and then give him his blessing for peace and he accepted. Of course he gained advantage from all the fathers and he laid good foundations in that coenobium, but also his desire for quieting life became more and more intense. When he prayed he was captured by grace. His heart was burning “by the coals of the desert” and he felt the calling of the desert.

He received blessing to depart from the Convent for peace/ quiet reasons. He left labour and service, blood and sweats in the Monastery and went to the desert placing his hope to the God and the Virgin Mary to lead him “in desert land”.

First he went and bowed before the icon of Virgin Mary (Portaitissas) in Iviron monastery. Her image was altered! It became very sweet! From this incident he realised that his departure was in accordance with God?s will.